Luv Stinx (Sometimes)

[Cam3leon]

Ayo sorry if this is a lil longer than 16 bars, but I jus had to get some feedback on this. Lemme kno whatchu think (Set to the beat of Scarface's "Guess Who's Back)

It’s like a mirage right in front of me/
Feels so real and when it disappears, I keep wondering /
If I’ll ever get the chance to romance a princess/
Who’ll leave me senseless, to the point I can’t finish a sentence/
Hope she won’t laugh if I had to get braces from the dentist/
Or if I get fired trying to become her Apprentice/
Even if I was as rich as Donald Trump, I’d be in a slump/
If I was ever passed up and considered a chump/

Not exactly Casanova-built/
Flabby muscles and cracking knuckles, I don’t break belt buckles/
But still worry if girls get the chuckles
Overall I don’t really look bad/
Except that I got acne as big as my book bag/
Now back to that stupid cupid/
It’s been sixteen years of bachelorhood and look at all the damage that you did/
Man, I’ve seen you fly by/ giving me the blind eye/
Shooting up other lovebirds like a drive-by/

Now it’s high time I get some answers, yo/
For why you diss so much,
Is a kiss so much to ask fo’?/
Maybe it’s ‘cause I’m quiet or too shy/
Seems that when I wanna chat, body language is replying “shoo fly!”/
Either way, distorted visions of gorgeous women constantly haunt my thoughts/
And it’s don’t help that I’m not that nonchalant/
Real life ain’t like Casablanca, I know that/
But why is this idea of love as worn-out as a throwback?/

“Go-go gadgets” and hat tricks won’t dazzle actresses/
In fact, you’d have to do back flips to snag their addresses/
When guys get infatuated, it’s usually through a chick’s anatomy,/
So what happens when she has a chit-chatty personality?/
The time I could spend batting back and forth this agony/
That cats like me feel/
I’m just being real/
Tell me, why do fools fall in love but smart dudes just get crushes/
Puppy love seems as business-like as public brunches/

Recalling this girl I knew
She was all but self-explanatory/
Still it seemed mandatory to fully understand her glory/
I was so hypnotized by her lips and her eyes/
While others are bugging probably from her hips and her thighs/
But I ain’t like that; as much as you can‘t see it, I’m a gentleman/
Just need some charisma to lend a helping hand/
Every time I got within an inch of her
I got cramps in my stomach/
(Sigh) Aw man, she was somethin’/
A goddess that had me sprung like a slinky/
I was only a brotha seeking girls who wanna have fun on the weekends/
So I was creepin’ down the hallway/
Where I noticed her with her friends, the same ones she’d been talkin’ to all day/
Then they separated and now was my chance/
Then came this dude with pants saggin’/ and a walkman ghetto blastin’/
The fellow’s askin’ her the time; I heard this line before/
Until he worked in a jokeand swept her offa the floor/

Felt awkward as I saw the two of them hug/
When it was yesterday, she text-messaged me, calling me “boo” like in love/
So when they kissed, I flipped
And kicked the guy in the leg,/
Then ran like a crip from the feds/
If I slipped, I was dead/
But I was too confused to notice
Hid still like rigor-mortis/
Fortunately I was more like the hare, and he the tortoise/
This love thing seems overrated/
I cheered myself up by saying that in a week, they wouldn’t make it/
And if that chick came crying back, I’d exclaim “NO WAY!”/
Plus, love is just an excuse for lust anyway/

It prolly should be on the Poetry section, but f**k it lol.

[Murda Mami]

[glow=red,2,300]Yo I was feeling that I give it like a 8.5 out of ten. If that shits true you got it rough[/glow]

[LIL G A.K.A MASS MURDER]

ILL GIVE U A 7.8 I DONT TO MUCH GET UP ON SONGS LIKE DAT SO I THINK U DID GOOD FORDAT

[Cam3leon]

Well I kinda exaggerated on that story at the end, lol. And yea, I'm not a big fan of love songs either, so I decided to take a different spin on it by adding my perspective.

[sexaychick23]

dat junt was kool i liked it ill give dat junt a 8 out of a str8 up 10

[1rapperunknown]

Man I like dat shit! I give that a 9. I know a couple people who wrote love type raps and that was really good just make it a little shorter and add a chours.

[Killer P]

it was good man, but have you considered your structure, some lines are way too long and dont flow wiv the shorter lines, and some lines are too short...apart from that its all good

5.5/10

Jus Advice and no Hate

[CrYsTaL*eYeZ]

DATZ NICE.....RATIN ILL GIVE YOU A 9.5 ALL AN ALL IT WAS HOT BUT LIKE YOU SAID ITZ MORE A POEM THEN A SONG.

[phorenzik]

sum lines i wasnt feeling that i felt jus put the wrong impression on the song but still pretty nice 7/10